Hang On, Voltaire

Discontinued

2011-10-26T20:59:00.002+01:00

This blog has been discontinued :-(
Instead please check out http://craicsploitation.tumblr.com for improved antics guaranteed!

Happy Fourth Of July!

2011-07-03T18:09:00.002+01:00

Celebrate Ammerycan independence day with the Asylum Street Spankers!

Jump, Jive And Harmonize!

2011-06-04T17:41:00.001+01:00

Thee Midniters, I've played them on here before and I am about to do so again with this Saturday Night party special. Come on baby won't you make me feel alright?!

Just Because We Are Still Alive...

2011-05-22T10:53:00.001+01:00

It don't mean that there won't be no apocalypse sometime. So to keep you on your toes here is some spine chilling rock and roll courtesy of Mr Vic Chestnut to prepare you for the desolate charred landscape of man's making that you will one day soon drag your hungry children across in the pointless pursuit of a safe future. Repent ye sinners! Repent!

Serguei - Ouriço

2011-05-05T22:24:00.001+01:00

I have no idea who this dude is or what he is singing about. Heck I don't even know if I like the song. But i thought I'd share it anyways because I am nice like that. Worth sticking with cuz he has a wee bit of a melt down at the end.

What Are You DoingThis Weekend?

2011-04-28T17:57:00.000+01:00

At a loose end are we? Want to go out and enjoy the sun but can't decide what to do? Well then why not take a trip, down Whittier Blvd. with Thee Midniters!

Something For The Weekend - Mel Tormè

2011-04-15T09:00:00.000+01:00

Here's a lil' something something for all of you planning on playing some games this weekend. Be it football, darts, tennis or just the game of life, lemme just say player play on cuz a player's gotta play!

More Lovely Stuff

2011-03-31T20:28:00.001+01:00

Who wants to hear an indie band from back in the day covering a Nancy Sinatra tune? Well?
Wow! You all do! Okay then here's one for "dat ass" it's the Pale Saints with Kinky Love!

What's Wrong With Politics?

2011-03-25T19:54:00.003Z

What's wrong with politics? Simpled, the politicians! But why are the politicians so bad? Because the wrong type of people think they can be politicians isn't it! But why don't the right type of people want to be president? Because, emmm, well, tell you what, I'll let Johnnie Taylor explain.

Sinnerman By Nina Simone

2011-03-22T19:19:00.001Z

This is pure class.

Skool Daze

2011-03-12T12:17:00.000Z

Hypnotism, robots, monkeys wearing clothes and "a" Bardot. Yep, this is exactly what my university years were like.

How Do You Tell A Child That Someone Has Died?

2011-03-07T13:27:00.000Z

The last time I saw the Black Lips live some maniac Spanish man bit me on the arm. I like the Black Lips even though they clearly are a bunch of arseholes. Still they are not afraid to ask the big questions, like this one here.

Soulful Sunday

2011-03-06T13:13:00.001Z

The Bee Gees' manager Robert Stigwood wanted Barry Bee Gee to write a soul song for Otis Redding. Barry Bee Gee, along with Robin Bee Gee wrote "To Love Somebody", a soulful ballad in the style of Sam & Dave or The Rascals. However, Redding died in an airplane crash before he could record the song.
The song was written on a boat in Monte Carlo the day the Beatles manager, Brian Epstein was found dead (August 1967). The Bee Gees heard the news from Robert Stigwood's assistant. The song was later covered by Nina Simone who,as you will hear knocked that S.O.B. right out of the park!

Never Doubt The Dub!

2011-02-21T12:00:00.000Z

You put sugar in your tea to make it a lil' sweeter. You put dub in the background to make whatever you is doing a little sweeter. So hit play on this and carry on doing what ever it is you is doing just that little bit nicer.

Let's Go Uptown!

2011-02-19T12:00:00.005Z

Don't know about you but for me Saturday nights ain't like Friday nights. Friday nights are all
"Let's do this!"
It's like the school doors are open and you run out straight into the first bar that'll take you.
Yeah, Friday night is a rock and roll night.
Saturday's are different, you've got all day to work up to Saturday night, you can take your time, there's no rush, and when the time comes you can just slide on in. A lil' bit of soul, some of that nice hip hop that they used to make, that's what you need for a Saturday. Cuz on a Saturday night, you go Uptown to get you some of that Uptown Hustle.

Something For The Weekend - Bahama Mama

2011-02-18T12:00:00.000Z

First up I should say that this is an incomplete copy of this track, it cuts out before it's over, but as it is the only version of it on the 'net you'll have to make due. But even at only only 1 minute 48 seconds this tune packs enough funk'n'soul to blow off those work day blues and get you pumped, primed and prepared for you weekend! Dig it.

Songs About Songs

2011-02-17T19:56:00.001Z

Write about what you know they say. So if you know how to write songs then why not write a song about writing songs! Some songs about songs are some songs so they are, especially the songs about songs that are the sort of songs that people like to sing, sing-a-long songs are they are known, like this here song being sung by the singer Barry Manilow where he sings a song about writing the songs that the whole world sings and he asks the crowd to sing along to the song about writing the songs that make people sing along!

Callin' All B-Boys!

2011-02-03T09:00:00.007Z

Calling all a y'all B-Boys, check out this tune, "Drinking My Wine" by Hardin And York. Some nasty ass old school progressive funk, someone needs to be sampling these breaks!

And if you would like to see these cats rocking out in the flesh check out this cover of "Like A Rolling Stone". Don't know if it is meant to sound this way of if the audio got warped a little on upload but this just sound nasty!

Knowledge Is Power!

2011-02-01T09:00:00.001Z

In the on going struggle between Men and Women the battlefield is the relationship. In this arena of combat suspicion weakens but facts strengthen. That is why you must be careful what you say AT ALL TIMES! As Austin once said "Don't Trust Anyone!" So take heed to the words Kay Starr and Tennessee Ernie Ford in this little ditty and remember play your cards close to your chest!

Women! What Are They Like?!?!

2011-01-29T15:16:00.001Z

See if like an alien came down to earth and stopped you in the street (oh by the way you have to be a boy for this) and said to you "What are pretty girls like?" you'd do well to make the comparison Trini Lopez makes in his smash hit tune Bramble Bush!

If you are wondering "Where have I heard that sweet little song before?" chances are it was in the disgraced convicts on a Nazi slaughtering death wish classic The Dirty Dozen

Speaking of which, have you ever seen the original poster for The Dirty Dozen? It's a doozie!

"Train Them! Excite Them! Arm Them! ...The Turn Them Loose On The Nazis!"

What a strap line! Oi! The military! That's how you get people wanting to be in the Army! Not this "Join The Army And You Might Get To Hang Out With Some Engineers" shit you be peddling these days. Foolish military you are damn fools!

Who Do You Think You Are Impressin'...

2011-01-23T11:59:00.001Z

With all that stressin'? Shit dude, nothing ain't worth all that! Take a lil' tip from my men The Hombres and Let It All Hang Out!

Good News! There Are Still Treasures To Be Discovered!

2011-01-20T22:45:00.001Z

As any fule knows, I dig that old timey shit. Tracks from back in the day do it for me. I don't want to hear no auto-tuned bullshit, some ring tone plinkity plop two word "dance track", I wanna hear what's real, I wanna hear come from someone's SOUL!

Of course the problem with mining the past for this stuff is that the well is finite. People have been trawling through since before I was born, which makes it so hard to discover something that is undiscovered. But then again sometimes miracles do happen! Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you a talent I know you have never heard of before. A talent like no other, one that deserves to be listed with the greats, Coltrane, Mozart, Prince, Beefheart! Ladies and Gentlemen let me give you the voice of Teenage Heartbreak, Mr Chuck "Cosmo" Gregg!

When Life Starts To Takes It's Toll...

2011-01-15T23:36:00.000Z

Blast them blues away with some lovely soul! And here's some lovely soul for you, "Living In Love" by Sheila Anthony!

More Relationship Advice From The Calypsonians!

2011-01-08T16:10:00.002Z

A lot of men out there be under the impression that what women really love is things such as diamonds, expensive shoes and them wee runts of dogs that fit into handbags. Poppycock! Stop falling for the advertising executives want you to think! It's all just a scam to empty your bank accounts yo! No, if you want to know what women REALLY like, avoid them dickheads on Madison Avenue and instead listen to the wisdom of Steve Amechi And His Empire Rhythms!

Club Flicknife Resents - The Club Flicknife AllStars!

2010-12-29T23:55:00.005Z

This Sunday The Club Flicknife AllStars are back with another set of standards and stand outs! Featuring not so much a "who's who" as a "who's thon again?" they will be doing that thang once more in Belfast's happening Menagerie bar! And to get you in the mood here's sneak peak of the team deep in the bowels of some Cathedral rocking out like what the Phantom of the opera used to do! Whoo ya!

(And be sure down to get down for doors opening at 9 when I'll be playing some classic Calypso featuring Mighty Terror, Baldhead Growler, Young Killer plus all your other Carnival favourites!)

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-24T12:00:00.000Z

Day 1 Days To Christmas - 1950

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-23T12:00:00.000Z

Day 2 Days To Christmas - Johnny Mathis with It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-22T12:00:00.001Z

Day 3 Days to Christmas - Patti Page with Boogie Woogie Santa Claus

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-21T12:00:00.000Z

Day 4 Days Till Christmas - Louis Armstrong with Zat you Santa Claus?

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-20T12:00:00.001Z

Day 4 Days to Christmas - Charles Brown with Merry Christmas Baby

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-19T12:00:00.000Z

Day 5 Days To Christmas - The Justinas with What A Christmas

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-18T12:00:00.000Z

Day 6 Days To Christmas - EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-17T12:00:00.001Z

Day 7 Days To Christmas - The Ethiopians with Ding Dong (Christmas Bell)

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-16T12:00:00.000Z

Day 8 Days to Christmas - Leadbelly with Christmas Is A-Coming

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-15T12:00:00.001Z

Day 9 Days To Christmas - Can with Silent Night

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-14T19:40:00.002Z

Day 10 Days To Christmas - The Dandy Warhols with Little Drummer Boy

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-13T12:00:00.002Z

Day 11 Days To Christmas - Ella Fitzgerald with Sleigh Ride

The Hang On Voltaire 12 Days To Christmas

2010-12-12T12:00:00.002Z

Day 12 Days To Christmas - The Mighty Spoiler with Father Christmas

Outta Space Outta Mind!

2010-12-10T20:38:00.001Z

As most of you know I for the past 8 years I have been working as an astronaut in outer space, flying about zapping asteroids with my laser cannon to stop them from entering the earth's atmosphere. But what most of you don't know is why I decided to be come a spaceman. Well it all goes back to one night in 1978. I begged my mom to let me stay up late so I could watch the Science Fiction Film Awards and boy amI glad I did, because during that show I saw a performance that changed my life. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Rocket Man!

By the way, which was your favourite Shatner? Mine was Shatner number 3, Party Shatner!

Johnny Cash Sings Calypso

2010-12-07T21:38:00.001Z

Well nearly. Here he is doing a Calypso tinged version of the old Trinidadian standard Scandal In The Family with Odetta.

This version, while delightful and has some sweet flute action, uses the more respectable lyrics of the tune. To hear what words they sing when they play it in the ghetto, click play below yo!

What's For Breakfast?

2010-12-06T09:18:00.000Z

Cornflakes!
Kellogg's cornflakes?
No! Klaus Wunderlich's Cornflakes!

Let's Dance - Funkadelic In New York City

2010-12-05T12:00:00.001Z

You can just imagine literally dozens of bums just out of shot each looking at this lot, then looking at the bottle of hooch in they hands and then throwing said bottle away.

When You've Got Nothing To Do...

2010-12-04T12:00:00.001Z

And nothing to lose, get a big ass bottle of booze.
Big ass bottle of booze.
Big ass bottle of booze.
When you've got nothing to do and nothing to lose, get a big ass bottle of booze.

George Dawes Is A Disgrace!

2010-12-03T12:00:00.000Z

Remember that time on Shooting Stars when George Dawes did his song and started singing about Peanuts? Really funny wasn't it? NO IT WASN'T! It was a disgrace! Fact is he was covering an old Rick And The Keens tune which he didn't have common courtesy to credit. Unlike me, who now gives then the spotlight they deserve.

Hang On Voltaire Salutes The Rat Pack!

2010-12-02T12:00:00.000Z

You can't have a neo swing grunge lounge revival revival website without showing some love to the guys that built the casino that this city grew up around, the Rat Pack! That's why it this semi regular feature we will bring you the best the YouTube archives has to offer in the way of that old RP magic. First up is Foster Brooks who gives us a heartbreaking tender tribute to the greatest one eyed satanist tap dancing Jew that ever did live, Mr Sammy Davis Jr!

What Makes A Great Music Video?

2010-12-01T12:00:00.000Z

What makes a great music video? Well if you knew they answer to that you'd be a millionaire with Weezer knocking your door down insisting that it is your turn to try and make them appear interesting. Me, my personal tastes when it comes to music videos is to have a load of lads sit in a field wearing some mad clothes smiling away why some doll makes some of the down right weirdest noises you have ever heard. (oh, and if you are wondering, may favourite bit is when she goes "Chum chum chum chum").

Everybody Loves A Theremin

2010-11-30T14:00:00.000Z

Everybody loves a theremin, no doubt! But the simple fact is only the coolest of cats knows how to rock one. One such cat is Dr Samuel J Hoffman, who takes time out from his important labratorial endeavours to play some of popular tracks of the day because,as the man says, "YOU AXED FOR IT!"

How Do You Say Moog In Italian?

2010-11-29T12:00:00.001Z

Sam Paglia that's how!

Sometimes People Get High - Dem Nasty Viperheads

2010-11-28T12:00:00.000Z

It's a serious question with a simple answer, say no to "Drugs?". That's the Hang On Voltaire ethos, but sadly every day, every where people be doing drugs. From crack-whores to dragon-chasers, from e-heads to poppers-poppers, they litter our streets and rob our old people. But by far of all the hepped up tribes are the Viperheads. I could go on at length about their "antics" but instead I'll Bob Howard give you the low down with his 1937 Jazz-Skunk-Swing smash "If You A Viper".

And kids if you have to do drugs at least stick to legal highs, that way not only will you get high but society will also get high... on taxes!

American History Lesson

2010-11-27T15:00:00.000Z

Mexico by Doo Woppers the Rocketones, is a curious reminder of a time gone by. In it the lead Rocketone (let's call him Alfalfa Hackensaw) talks of how is going down to Mexico because he needs someone to "Cook his food and make his bed". Which is strange because only a few short years later after recording this tune all A.H. would have had to do was lean out his New York window, sigh loudly that he has chores that need a doing and about a dozen Mexicans would have come a running willing to do them for less than minimum wage, providing he didn't report them to the immigration authorities. Ah, isn't capitalism grand!

Calling All Break Beat DJs!

2010-11-26T15:00:00.002Z

At about 2:10 into this joint there is breakdown of such mad skill you will want to sample it yo!
The Eloise Trio - BRING IT!

Royal Wedding Calypso Special!

2010-11-25T21:27:00.001Z

I don't know about you but I have been walking on air since I found out that Prince Harry's half brother Willy is now engaged to be wed to Malcolm Middleton from Arab Strap's cousin Catherine!
Joy of joy!
But soon to be King Willy would do well to remember that with great joy comes great responsibility and that being King don't not always equal happiness. Take for example his relative King Edward VIII. You all recall what happened to him don't you? No, well why not let top Calypsonian Lord Caresser remind you!

P.S. Most of the lyrics in this song are Dy-No-Mite but a special mention needs to go out to the line
"On the 10th of December we heard the talk
He gave his throne to the Duke of York"

The Game Been Around For Years

2010-11-19T14:08:00.000Z

For all of y'all who in the game that thinks you made the game, hell no! The game been around for years and done never changed.

Who's Your Favourite Doo Wop Group?

2010-11-15T10:00:00.003Z

Go on, if you had to choose one Doo Wop group out of all those Doo Wop groups that you love, who would be your favourite? For me, no contest, it's gotta be the Five Shits. No that isn't a typo, they really did call themselves the Five Shits. From what I know about the Five Shits, they were a band back in the day, this isn't some revivalist in joke. This tune didn't come out till the 70s which explains some of the in jokes on the record label, which you can see in this here YouTube meistwerk!

Lets Dance - The Blues Busters!

2010-11-14T09:53:00.001Z

Remember that band James yeah? Couple of good tunes no doubt but awful up themselves didn't you think? Anyhoo, they were most famous for that tune 'Sit Down'. Well we all thought it was big shit back in the day but as this archive footage proves The Blues Busters had been rocking that style waaaay back in the day. The dance itself is about 2:50 in but don't fast forward, chill and enjoy the lot from the start as it is Jamaican Ska Dy-No-Mite!

What's Your Favourite Song About A Yak?

2010-11-13T16:02:00.001Z

Before you say Yakety Yak Don't Talk Back, don't it doesn't count because even though it has Yak in the title it is about having your head being "done in". No the best song about a yak is clearly this.

(If you are wondering what picture is of in the YouTube video place holder is I am reliable informed it is a yak).

Hang On Voltaire Is All At Sea!

2010-11-03T20:24:00.001Z

I found this insightful clip from a documentary about cruise ships. I think it's like a US remake of like that show about cruises with that Jane McDonald on it that used to be on? Anyway in the American version they got the lead singer from the New York Dolls to play Jane McDonald, and in true yank fashion they upped the showbiz by a considerable fraction.
Enjoy!

It's Hallowe'en!

2010-10-30T16:22:00.001+01:00

Well near enough. So to celebrate here is the trailer from the film that most critics agree is the scariest motion picture ever committed to celluloid! You've probably never heard of it before, I'm guessing because it is banned in what ever two bit statelet you call home but here by the magic of Hang On Voltaire I give you The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini!! B'waa ha ha ha!

Countdown To Hallowe'en!

2010-10-28T20:43:00.000+01:00

If you thought that you had too much time on your hands check out this doll! I hear her house is done up like that all year round! Just kidding, I for one respect her artistic vision.

Countdown To Hallowe'en!

2010-10-26T15:46:00.000+01:00

Draculas are some fellas well ain't they? Themums be drinking that blood!

Count Down To Hallowe'en

2010-10-26T14:10:00.000+01:00

Ouija Ouija board what do you say? That old black magic all the way!

Countdown To Hallowe'en!

2010-10-24T12:00:00.001+01:00

The terror continues with The Damned belting out "Love Song". This qualifies as Hallowe'en as Dave Vanian is dressed up as a Dracula and there is what looks like a abomingnable snowman on guitar. Also keep an ear out for the name of the bass player as this name is apt for all bass players ever.

P.S. The Damned were/are better than the Sex Pistols, and if you believe this this you am a twart!

Countdown To Hallowe'en!

2010-10-23T14:07:00.000+01:00

How the flip can you have a retro lounge revival blog without some Frank Sinatra? C'est impossible! So to right dem wrongs here's Ol' Blue Eyes with his most spooktacular track "Witchcraft".

Countdown To Hallowe'en!

2010-10-23T11:35:00.001+01:00

The countdown to Hallowe'en continues with the jivingest R&B outfit on the world today, King Khan and the Shrines! Not only does the title of this tune have one of the most terrifying thoughts a man could have it also has a video that shits all over Thriller for bad ass special effects laden terror!
Enjoy guys and ghouls!

You There! Be Quiet!

2010-10-22T12:00:00.000+01:00

Ssshhh! Quieten down there, these nice men want to tell you about a piano that they have invented.
(And it's British Pathe Preview Only so you knows it's the good stuff!)

Lovely Girls

2010-10-21T15:00:00.000+01:00

I was going to write my own wee bit about this video but the one already on YouTube can not be surpassed. It says
"A collection of photos of a couple of lovely Italian actresses/models from the 60s - music by Les Baxter 'Felicia my love'."
Ah, the lovely ladies of 60s Italy :-)

Back To The Pad...

2010-10-20T16:21:00.000+01:00

You know what's funny? When they do like porno versions of like reals films! Like Forrest Hump or Pump Fiction or 12 Angry Cocks or One Came Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
Anyhoo, if anybody out there is thinking of doing a mucky version of Fritz Lang's Metropolis and call it Sexopolis GOOD NEWS! Jean Pierre Mirouze has already done the theme tune for ya!

Cosmic Sound Orchestra

2010-10-19T15:00:00.000+01:00

Further proof that Germany once got over the idea of taking over the world and concentrated on making tunes they knew exactly how it needed to be!
The Cosmic Soul Orchestra were one of the few people demanding that we stop sending men to the moon and instead got some funk up there instead! Now that's a space program I can dig!

Club Flicknife Resents - Clean By Con Pen

2010-10-18T12:51:00.000+01:00

ConPen is back! With a brand new track! It's called Clean. Did someone say elegaic?

Did You Make A Dick Of Yourself Last Night?

2010-10-17T09:00:00.004+01:00

Did you make a dick of yourself last night?
Oof! You did?
Was alkymahol involved?
How's I guess? How's I guess?!?
Well buddy take solace in the fact that you're not alone, most of us have been there at some time or another.
So relax and laugh it off with the help of Dutch jazz supremo Benny Sings!

I tried looking for the lyrics to this song on the "net" (© Sandra Bullock) but could not find them anywhere that google looked for me so I took a stab at writing them down myself.

See your number on my mobile
But the truth is that I can't recall your face
Oh fool
Why did I fight with those two bouncers?
No more drinks for me

No more drinks for me
See the footprints on my rug, well
The thing is that I can't remember shit
Oh fool
Why did I f*** that ugly woman?
No more drinks for me

No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me, no
No more drinks for me

I can't seem to move my ankle
And my pillow shows some traces of dried blood
Oh fool
Why did I lay down on the dance floor?
No more drinks for me

No more drinks for me
Where the hell is my new silver, oh?
But I was I giving what the givers ought to give
Oh fool
I even gave away my cardigan
No more drinks for me

No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me

No more drinks for me
See the footprints on my rug, well
But the thing is that I can't remember shit
Oh fool
Why did I fight with those two bouncers?
No more drinks for me

No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me
No more drinks for me

I've Got A Brazilian!

2010-10-16T15:38:00.001+01:00

Like the lady says "Chi Chi, Chi Ching A Ching A Chi Chi".
Says it all really.

It's Getting Late

2010-10-15T20:53:00.000+01:00

What time is it? Wow, that late? It's too late for you to walk home. You should stay here, in the spare room I mean. I'l take you home in the morning. I'd drive you now but I've had too many Martinis. You know how it is.

Countdown To Hallowe'en!

2010-10-14T20:58:00.001+01:00

Skellingtons drinking Martinis and playing surf geetar? It can be only one thing, Los Tiki Phantoms!

Gene Maltais - Crazy Baby

2010-10-13T16:00:00.000+01:00

Woah! Calm down Gene, e'ry t'ing gonna be i-ight. Settle man, settle.
Nice whistling by the way.

It's My Way Or the Broadway!

2010-10-12T17:20:00.001+01:00

Today we present Magic To Do from the musical Pippin! I stumbled upon this tune by chance and was going to do a wee bit here about what the show was about but looking at the costumes these gypes are wearing (apart from you Ben Vereen, you still look cool) I realised I didn't really care. So I am going to just make up a synopsis!
Ben Franklin has lost his keys! Their not where he left them by his study lamp. But are they really lost or has the French Circus that has just arrived in town have something to do with it? Only Ben's lucky squirrel Pippin can find out!

The Greatest Film Of All Time As Well!

2010-10-11T21:01:00.000+01:00

Orgasmos!

Cuts, Cuts And Taxes :-(

2010-10-10T15:51:00.001+01:00

Damn, times are tough! Ain't that the truth. And Dave be telling us, tougher times be coming! Dave be saying we gots to prepare for cuts, cuts and mo' cuts! That the gravy train is going into the shop and is never coming back out. Well this stuff ain't new now. The political classes have been making "tough" decisions on our behalf and just expecting us to go along. Well if you ask me, The Mighty Sparrow knows what you should do in times like these, you got to take time out and remind them all that when push comes to shove we can always gets our hands on some Mango wood!
Take it away Sparrow!

Greatest Film Of All Time

2010-10-09T20:57:00.001+01:00

If you haven't seen this film before then you suck. Ask Eva if you don't believe me.

Do You Remember That Time When...

2010-10-08T12:00:00.001+01:00

Stewart Lee sang a touching rendition of Wichita Lineman to Harry Hall in a tiny little working man's club?

The Guv'nor

2010-10-07T20:46:00.000+01:00

Esquivel!

Funky Germany!

2010-10-06T19:57:00.000+01:00

Losing a war really helps you kick out the jams as this tune attests!

Eh?

2010-10-05T19:54:00.000+01:00

Not exactly sure what's going on here.

A Touch Of Class

2010-10-04T20:45:00.000+01:00

Very much so!

The Lounge Music Revival Revival

2010-10-04T14:52:00.002+01:00

From here on in this website, and my life, will be dedicated to a lounge music revival revival. I heart this shit.

The Jolly Boys Do Blue Monday

2010-09-25T12:40:00.004+01:00

I saw these cats on Later last night and thought I would check out to see if there was any of their stuff on YouTube, and surely there was, including this beaut. And I have just got to say, if this does not put a smile on your face YOU ARE DEAD INSIDE!

Let's Dance - Herb Alpert

2010-09-22T21:54:00.001+01:00

Remember back when it was before now? (And Snickers were calls Log'O'Nuts?) Remember that ad they used to have for Kia Ora? You know the one where a crow is berated for beggin' for a sip of a drink that is too orangey for him? (Hey kid, if it's too orangey just put some more water in there and dilute it up a bit! Stop being so stingey!)
Yeah well ever wondered where they got the idea for the dance in that video? I like to think they got it from this here track here.

That's Rise by Herb Alpert. And in case you're wondering yes that is the song Nortorious BIG sampled for Hypnotize

And yes it is the same Herb Alpert that did this!

Man I wish Biggie had of sampled that track! That would have been El Dopo!

Sometimes People Get High

2010-09-16T20:43:00.002+01:00

Can I just go the record and say that when I pass on I don't want folks turning up in suits to my funeral. I wanna see everyone wearing a nice sweater with a pocket on the front of it tucked into your slacks. And if you do that you too get to sing.

The Hang Voltaire Top 5!

2010-09-09T22:43:00.001+01:00

A new regular feature for you all! It's the Hang On Voltaire Top 5! Now I'm not too sure how many of you out there know how a Top 5 works, basically it's when you pick what is known as a "topic" and then you choose the five best examples of that topic, ranking them in a way so that the one at 1 is like the best at, or in, that topic.
This week's topic is the Top 5 Worst Songs For A Man To Choose As The First Dance At A Wedding!

Number 5 - Holocaust by Big Star!

Because if there are three sentences you should not say to your wife on your wedding day
"You're a wasted face
You're a sad-eyed lie
You're a holocaust."
are definitely up there.

Number 4 - A Man Needs A Maid by Neil Young

Admitting to your wife after a couple of hours of wedlock that you only married her because you want some one to wash your pants, well that's like a film giving away the twist in the first five minutes.

Number 3 - The Lady In Red by Chris de Burgh

She's wearing white dipshit!

Number 2 - Scatman by Scatman John

Listen, I know the secret to happy marriage is honesty but if you are the sort of man that's into Scat, you really need to be sure that your wife really really loves you, so just to be safe leave it a couple of weeks before your try to get her to enter the world of Scatting.

Number 1 - Baby I'm On Fire by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Because it is 15 minutes long and... actually no, if you were to do this as your first dance at wedding that would pretty cool. And fair fucks to you are able to dance to it for the full 15! Seriously well dones to the happy couple! I wish you a long and happy marriage!

Where For Art Thou Indie?

2010-09-07T20:55:00.001+01:00

Ou est l'indie? L'indie est lost! Lost in Boston!

Space Age Bachelor Pad Music!

2010-09-06T15:22:00.001+01:00

This tune here is nigh on perfect! If there ever was a tune which was what I am talking about it is this here tune that's what I am talking about!

The Hang On Voltaire Film Club

2010-09-05T12:11:00.001+01:00

This week's film is The Love Wanga. Watch it and we'll discuss it at next week's meeting.

Why Don't You Tell Some Jokes!?!??!

2010-08-31T12:00:00.000+01:00

And now on HangOnVoltaire.com a brand new regular feature called "Why Don't You Tell Some Jokes?!?!?" where we celebrate all things anti-comedy! The big news in anti-comedy world recently happened at the Reading Festival last weekend. If you are not familiar with the Reading Festival it is the Mean Fiddler Inc. annual fundraiser featuring the very best in "low impact indie" and "secretly Christian angsty eyeliner rock" and this year America's Funnyman Neil Hamburger was removed by festival security 12 minutes into his set as the crowd reaction to him was turning violent!
Of course the Reading Festival has a history of sending acts packing, who could forget in 2000 when pop Princesses Daphne and Celeste were bottled off by the festival's pig people clientele (yet in 2010 thousands of pig people of similar stock stayed up really late to cheer Paramore's set? No consistency these pig people.)
Anyhoo, where was I? Yes Neil Hamburger. Now if you were wondering "What the dickens did this Beefburger fella do to cause such a response?" Well here's a little taster of him in action supporting Faith No More earlier this year. Enjoy!